Monday, November 22, 2010

Feeling Like A Blue Christmas? (and it's not even Thanksgiving?)

Here's one of the best Christmas lights houses set to music I've seen since "Wizards of Winter" waay back. Guaranteed to lift the spirits. There's a page full here. If you have good broadband try the Vimeo versions,

I know there are blessings everywhere in our lives, sometimes we just need to take the time to look. Believe me I look a LOT, I practice gratitude all day long, but I was feeling a little blue because it's that time of year and I have so little family that isn't toxic, and the ones that are healthy are so far away I might as well be alone. But I still have so much I am thankful for. I usually start with just waking up again in the morning!

Hang in there! There really is a god and she loves you. The signs are everywhere. Don't let the devil steal your joy.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Got Uke?

Pohaku image borrowed from SuzukHammer who got it I dunno where, thx!

K, I have a cure for what ails me to share just FWIW to you, and YMMV. Do I spend too much time in forums? Of course I do! I have bad blood and and wonky ass genes and addiction runs rampant in my famil(ies) and has caused much shenpa for all involved, except my generally oblivious other half, (who after four years of me blogging sporadically and even setting him up with his own a couple years ago which he finally has been using to battle evil in the world of form), said to me yesterday "YOU have a blog?". Well yes I do and this is it.

He also noted as he finally started reading it because I said he should because he might learn something about our relationship, that in the beginning I was calling him my "buddy" and my "better half". He wanted to know if I meant it. I told him yes at the time, but he is really both and neither. He has wrought great grief in my life over my strenuous objections and I have thrown up my hands because even God throws up his hands at the actions of fools. (That's a famous quote I am not going to bother to look up for you. Google is your friend and I would not deprive you of the joy of all the related links that will of course pop up and pull you even farther off course than this post is sailing now). But my bud has also been the one who was there for me (mostly because he was the last one standing because he is partly the reason my mother disowned me and the rest of that side of the family and friends followed because she's the boss and she lied and that is what people with no recovery do. My crime was trying too hard to please her and I don't do that anymore because it almost killed me).

So part of my mother's objection to me was that I was happy while she wasn't, therefore she could only be happy if I was miserable. I'm the codependent one so I used to be happy if the other person was happy first. So that was crazy making. My hair fell out, I got hives and migraines, I started having nightmares, my thyroid became toast, and the extra cortisol from all the stress packed 20 extra pounds on. Now I am so burned out even after a most two years I have compassion fatigue and my favorite songs are "People Are Crazy" and "My Give A Damn's Busted". Now if people aren't happy, it's just not my job to fix it. AND they can keep their crap on their own side of the street. I know a lot of people in similar positions and they feel the same way, and they are also moving on with their lives and their lives are much better for it.

One of the things that has really helped me is Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings and a little gift from God AKA The Mighty Uke. I am borrowing the title from the film because it's true. A ukulele has the power to heal. Go to YouTube and check out WS64, here and here, and of course Jake Shimabukuro, and others. It's a wonderful blues chaser, even when it's the blues being played.

Here's a neat little chunk strum posted by byjimini in a uke forum.

Tell me that all doesn't take a lot of the "Ow" out.

Now go get your own.

Saturday, August 21, 2010


You'll have to click, can't be bothered making it work in the post.

Apparently I am actually not having a really great year, being far far far from being a decent example of humanity. I am living more like an average every day delusional narcissistic moron, like someone on a reality tv program for 20 year olds.

I figure it's either menopause or job stress. I can't really talk about my job but I am looking for a better one. I like my boss but work just gets intense and I really just want a quiet cubicle somewhere where I can do my job without being interrupted or stalled, then just go home. Benefits and something creative would be nice, but I'm kind of done with dreaming & hoping. It is what it is and that's all it is, hope is a cruel illusion that leads to being stuck again in samsara.

I added two more ukes to the herd since my last post, so the year isn't total suckage. My arthritis is worse though, which makes playing not really doable some weeks. Note I use the term "playing" loosely. I think I'm going to add some uke blogs to the blog roll there.

Art is something I'm making more room for, like an animal pulling fur or feathers from it's own body or rolling shit into balls to make a place for the babies. Getting the layer of dust off of the paint tubes will make me feel a lot better. It's like keeping one's desk clean, if I can't keep the creative space clean my creative thoughts are dusty and unclear.

Ok so this is a crappy post and some of my fellow bloggers seem to be going through a similar dearth of posts because of unexpected twists and turns on the highway or rough roads of life, so I hope to see you all back on the autobahn cruisin along at a good clip next year, and hope I'm still here too and can kiss bumpers and draft along in your slipstreams!