Say What You Need To Say

Probably most people think of this as just a love song, unless they have seen "The Bucket List", and then it has a deeper and more poignant meaning. I can't help but read the Dharma into it as well, because it contains some of the basic teachings that resonate with me. We may have real "problems" in our lives, but how we deal with them is usually from our ego or feeling state, which is essentially most often with coping mechanisms we learned to help us survive our childhoods intact. So we think we're dealing but find we aren't doing very well, and we don't understand why things don't change, and why we aren't happy.

Some of us were lucky enough to have excellent models of caring and compassion, people who taught us well and kept us safe, while giving us tools to live a healthy, centered and productive life. Many of us were not. We were damaged to some degree or even to a point of barely being able to function by people who were in turn damaged by the people who raised them, back though generations in what is often referred to as a generational curse. But we can learn to resolve (re- solve) the damaged ways of relating and living that we learned as kids, by re-parenting ourselves and learning effective tools for dealing in a healthy and compassionate way with ourselves and the people and situations that form our lives now, in this moment, and from moment to moment. In practicing taking care of ourselves (and I don't mean in an egocentric, selfish and entitled way), we learn to heal ourselves down to our soul (which is pure and blameless and incorruptible). And from here we can relate outward with kindness and compassion towards others, and with healthy personal boundaries. It really is an inside job. It's that Inside Job part that is what is common to both Buddhism and 12 Step programs.

From either perspective, most of what we carry around in our heads is the past in the form of old patterns of thinking. We are constantly listening to the internalized abuser, fighting with "the shadows in your head". We learn to walk "like a one man army", bristling with aggression and weapons to defend ourselves so that we don't get hurt again. Our "problems" define us in drama and self pity and low or hyper inflated self esteem, or in isolation and walls of self protection. We build up a false "sense of honor" that entitles us to blame others, or on the flip side makes us feel we need to take responsibility for other people's actions (we are only responsible for our own feelings and actions, and that's what owning them means). We live out the "patterns in your head" of childhood over and over again, feeling neglected, ignored, punished, less than, unworthy. Or better than, entitled, superior and punitive. For those who feel less than, even if we said what we needed to say, we were discounted and invalidated, told that's not true or that we were liars. We were made to feel unimportant, and we learned that if we said what we needed to say, there would be unpleasant consequences.

With help we learn to put aside the "fear of giving in" because we find there is a wonderful freedom in finding our voices and saying what we "need to say", even if we start with ourselves, which may actually be the best way. We benefit from letting go of the need to control our world and the people in it, that's illusory anyway. Surrender done right ultimately brings peace and equanimity. We can start with being rigorously honest on the inside, and find that it's okay to be flawed, that letting go of personal fears makes us stronger to the point that we can look back and wonder why we were so afraid. Humans are social animals, and we are constantly expressing ourselves, even when sitting still in a chair. It makes sense that we should say what we need to say, even when our hands are shaking and our faith is broken, that is when we are most vulnerable and our hearts are wide open. That is when we are most receptive to having compassion for ourselves and others, that is when we are most connected to the Universe, and surprisingly, that is when that Universe hears us and pulls us up from the ashes to be reborn. Maybe not in the way we think we want, but in the way we actually need, we get everything we ask for.

And if it means telling someone you have a crush, or just letting someone know you love them, of course that works too. Let it be okay though if you don't hear the answer you wanted, because you had the strength to say what you needed to say, and being honest is really good practice for following the Dharma, and for being in a harmonious relationship with the world around you. And it's about saying what you need to say, not what you want to hear in return. That's a different song.


PS: The young man in the red Rockets shirt (BoyceAvenue) on the video links (after the video) has a lovely and sensitive cover of Say, and I think he has a better voice.

Meditation on Cleaning the House

Another post from MySpace. I'm too old and tired to start over at Facebook. :P

Meditation on Cleaning the House
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Cleaning the house is my job because I'm good at it, and I can set my own hours of work, being multiply self employed. (My Apache Indian medicine man said we're self employed because we're basically unemployable.. ;D). That said, I have never exactly enjoyed it. I like the end results because I like a neat, clean house. I don't like dust, grime, and clutter. (That's actually wanting control. Wanting control is wanting "ground", and ground is something Buddhists understand as illusory. Wanting to have ground is ego clinging and attachment, and attachment is what leads to suffering!). I like everything in it's place (That's control too ;D). That's a good thing though for living in my current environment because my roommates all feel exactly the same way, though we are all obsessive about it in slightly different areas. So I honor the others by understanding their particular tweaks, and taking care of them. That meant spending about 20 minutes just cleaning the fucking toaster! But it looks pretty close to new now. So far it's like 4 hours just in the kitchen, and it's not even like you would have been unwilling to eat dinner here if you were in the kitchen checking things out while I was cooking last night. It looked great. (Tonight was leftovers and everyone for themselves.) The problem is to not take on the others' obsessions! I have to draw a healthy boundary there, my own obsessions (coffee) are enough to deal with, and I am working on dismantling them.

I never mind cleaning all the coffee machines, that's my gig. I hate cleaning the stove though. I'm also the main cook, because I'm good at that too. But the grease that builds up on the stove top and stuff above it is like industrial strength! What's up with that?! Is it the killer tacos?? 'Cause I clean it like 3-4 times every time I cook. It's not even like it's a nice appliance, just a cheap crappy condo stovetop/oven combo. Not the gorgeous 6 burner $15,000.00 professional kitchen appliance I would prefer, that might be worth such a serious cleaning. Might even be an enjoyable process, like the coffee machines. (Though I'm certainly very grateful to have the use of it!)
So I just plugged in my iPod, for which I'm also extremely grateful and count as a major blessing, and hit my "Inspirational" playlist, which kept me going with cleaning on and off all day until 2:30 a.m.. I think that's a personal record. That even includes laundry. I try to take the Buddhist perspective of maintaining a mindfulness of purpose and intent, but somehow I think the music is a cheat.

At least I have the resentment thing about it scaled waaaay down, so I think the mind training in awareness and staying in the moment (shamata or shinay meditation) is having quite the positive effect. And the house looks great. Of course, I realize that wanting and enjoying a clean house is the equivalent of wanting and enjoying having ground, when existence is really groundlessness. But it's a nice illusion, and I'm fully aware that it's an illusion, and that it's just ego enjoying illusion. And that ego is what keeps us stuck in samsara, or suffering. So, that's definitely some progress in understanding the Dharma. But then that's ego and illusion too! The third quality of threefold purity (regarding expectations of meditation) is "Give up all hope of fruition". Hmm.

Currently listening : Everyday Driven By Everyday Driven

Dressage Freestyle, Original Horse Version

Dressage is the consummate expression of horse and rider becoming one. I think I've mentioned somewhere in this blog that I rode dressage as well as "stadium" jumpers and both are a perfect melding of two minds and bodies into one being. It's similar I think to the tremendous ties of loyalty between dogs and mankind (maybe more loyalty on the part of the dogs however).

When you stop to consider though that the horse is a prey animal, that anything on it's back is something to be fought instinctively I think it lends an even greater appreciation for how much horses have given up for people. Not only letting us on their backs and following our commands, but being taken from a natural life of roaming and grazing over 10-20 miles in a day to being cooped up in 12x12 stalls, of if lucky a stall with a run or of small pasture. We ask for and expect so much of them.

So in keeping with the dog "dressage" post below, I thought I'd share this video from the World

Equestrian Games Freestyle Dressage Final performance of Andreas Helgstrand on Blue Hors Matine.

I wish the quality of the video was better, but the quality of the horse's movement and expressiveness, and the oneness with the rider, the evidence of the tremendously deep bond between the two, is the epitome of the art form. It might make you cry with joy, or at least think "WoW".

Doggie FREEstyle!

From some of my previous posts it's probably obvious I'm an animal lover, and my greatest bonds have been with dogs and horses. I have a Poodle sitting on my lap right now as I type this, he is one of the greatest joys of my life, well, actually, the people in my life don't read this blog, so I will admit that he IS the greatest joy!

I used to ride dressage on my horses, and a friend sent me one of these videos, where the dog and owner are in a canine freestyle class, and are doing all the moves of freestyle dressage; half pass, piaffe and passage, canter pirouette, tempe changes (it looks like skipping), and Spanish Walk, plus a salute to the judges at the end. It's pretty amazing, and it made me cry to see on video an example of how the bond between canine and human can be so very deep. My dog and I watched several videos together, and I thought I'd post them here, since that bond is often my secondary blog subject. The video of Carolynn Scott and Rookie is one of my favorites, and to me it is pure joy.

Take a moment to pat your furry buddies if you have one.


Tina Humphrey and her Dressage Dog





Carolyn Scott and Rookie

I Bought Paint!

I have a nasty thing called "A Birthday" coming up. I don't like them at ALL! I enjoy still being "here", preferably 'here now", as in "in the moment", but I don't like the yearly reminder that I'm older. It seems to sit in judgement of me, as in "So what exactly have you accomplished in the year that just flew by since your last birthday?".
So I try to look at it as a "REbirthday", but it's difficult to stay in that mindset. I know that truly the voice of judgement in the back of my head is that of my inflexible and cowardly father and my psychotic stepmother, who never had anything nice to say about my dreams or accomplishments, either one. No matter what I did or what anyone else thought of it, what I got from either of them was at best "Yeah, but you can do better", and at worst a long mean spirited lecture on why I should not be wasting my time on what I loved best. Talk about a motivation killer! And that was just concerning art. I finally gave up on those people when I learned what toxic parents were.

The upside of birthdays is that I love everyone else's! Maybe it's a vicarious thing, I enjoy celebrating and choosing neat presents for those I love. My beloved's birthday is just before mine, and I have picked out something really cool, and it's also useful. It's a milestone birthday, so it's even more special.

The one thing I will do for my own birthday, even though I lay low on the actual day (because a lot of bad things have happened to me on that day and I have become leery), is that I will indulge myself with a few things I have wanted, usually paint or green coffee beans. Last year and this year it was oil paint! (It's not here yet, I binged last night, that's last year's birthday paint in the photo). I got a coupon in my email from Studio Products, so I bought some Ugly Dog Painter's Safety Soap, which I use on both my brushes and hands. It works very well. (I use a barrier cream on my hands before I start painting, because I'm sensitive to latex so can't wear the gloves, but if I get a smear of a toxic cadmium or a cobalt I go wash and reapply the cream). I also got a tube of their Transparent French Red Ochre, because I wanted to try their paint, but I have a limited budget. It's also a very versatile pigment, good for landscapes and for portraits both. Studio Products offers a hard to find selection of Old Masters traditional resins and oils and specialty mediums as well as paint. There is often some controversy swirling around the owner on various art forums, I believe mostly because he is a person of strong opinions, but the products and service are excellent, though the prices are high. Artists who have used the paint extensively have reported excellent quality and workability, and many swear by the flake white as being the only white they will use. I bought the red ochre because while I have some lovely Vasari red earths, I wanted to try Studio Products in comparison. So far my Vasari earths are some of the nicest I have ever used. Vasari Classic Artist's Oil Colors is currently having a SALE on their earth colors through the end of March, so go take a look. You won't be disappointed in any of their paint! They have a sale every month or so on a different color set. I believe last month was greens.

I also dropped a C note on a nice lot of "Special" Cadmiums from the Williamsburg site. The "Specials" are colors that don't quite exactly match the standard line, but are still the same excellent handmade paint. When they are listed at half price or less a tube, ask me if I care! Cads are, like other paint, generally modulated and not used straight from the tube anyway. Really well made cadmiums are expensive, and I consider them a necessary luxury. Other reds and yellows, while having their place on a palette, just will not have the clarity or tinting strength of a finely made cadmium! So they were a great find (I was looking for something else and just stumbled across the specials). In truth, I have a Williamsburg Camium Yellow Light that I have to rub up with some high quality cold pressed linseed oil because it is drying in the tube. I will retube it, it was at least $30. a year ago. A year is a long time for a handmade paint to sit, so it's not the fault of the maker. But it's not much bother to salvage it. (If you need tubes, I finally found some at Sinopia). So if you are an oil painter, and love rich and vibrant color, and are looking for quality paint, grab some now before they are gone, this is another paint you will not regret having in your paint box!

Sinopia (now combined with Kremer, another big name in specialty supplies for discriminating oil painters and which, like Sinopia, is oriented toward supplies for making your OWN oil paints) is where I dropped another $50. on the fancy Swedish Cold Pressed Linseed Oil
which I got for the Cad Y L above. I also picked up some clove oil, which is used to slow drying time when you need to leave oil sitting on a palette. I often think I'll get back to a project the next day and it doesn't happen. A drop added to a paint nut or just to the palette which is then covered will help to retard drying.

So now I have to go back to work so I can pay for this late night buying spree (always when I am the most vulnerable to the lure of buying on the 'net, all alone and under the cover of darkness..)

If You Love Someone, Tell Them Now.

There's another star in the sky tonight. I lost one of my closest and dearest and most treasured of friends on the 6th. He was one of my most ardent supporters of my work, and was a great encouragement for me to continue. He was an older gentleman and was hospitalized for "wound care" for an injury caused to his leg three weeks before by a careless aide, and he died 10 hours later; unmonitored, unevaluated, and alone, in a hospital he'd never been to previously and should not have been sent to by people who did not have permission. He was being treated for other conditions, but there are so many questions as to how so many things were done wrong concerning his care, that I want to grab the collar of the "Dr." in charge and shake him and ask "Can you say "Malpractice"??"

I am bereft and sorry and crushed. But nothing we might do will change anything now. I watched the casket being lowered into the ground after the funeral, to make sure they were careful, to make it really real because I didn't get to truly say goodbye, though we talked 3 days before. I keep expecting a message on my cell phone, I keep thinking "Oh, I can stop by tomorrow", and there isn't and I can't. I've lost a lot of family and friends at this time of year, another reason I suppose I'm not big on the holidays, they are just something to tolerate and get through with as low a profile as possible.

So if you love someone let them know. Say the words. You'll mostly never know if it might be the last time.

A Decadent or a Decent December?

Yes, I am actually working on a painting for someone. I don't usually show anything in progress anymore, because most people just don't understand the process. So this is just to show the process and make a stab at explaining it. There are many different ways of working in oil paint. The fussiest way is with sketches and layers, which is what this is. I was taught layers a long time ago, and it's a good discipline, but I would like to take classes in alla prima (Italian for "at once") or direct painting, where the painting is done in one sitting with a wet in wet technique. I've played with it in smaller works and enjoy it quite a bit, I would just like to get more confident with my technique.
So to start I stretched the custom sized canvas (16x 24), put a gesso ground on it, sketched it in charcoal, put a light fixative over that after I wiped it down with a little English turpentine to get the dust off and lighten it up, then brushed and ragged a mixture of yellow ochre and raw sienna with a touch of a red earth for my middle value. I used paper towels and q-tips to rub out highlights, both the brightest and softer ones. There are no darker values in this yet. I like working this way because it takes the white of the canvas away, gives me an undertone to help me get my values correct, covers up a lot of the reference sketching, and gives me a feeling of some life in the subject. I'll post more photos as it progresses, for better or worse (every painting seems to go through an icky stage where it's not working, but it's mostly just in an awkward transition, like a teenager).

Now for my holiday rant: I am not a big fan of the holidays. The commercialized aspect is an abysmal shift from what used to be a holiday season in which to celebrate thankfulness and the spirtual, ineffable side of life, and then with the New year, renewal. I don't buy into the current version, it doesn't rev me up in any positive way, it just generally makes me feel pretty sad. How about you?

Never Stick Your Elbow In Cadmium Yellow!

First, even though it's your elbow, you'd be surprised how many places on your body it can actually reach!

Second, because although it is one of the most luscious yellows available in oils (my opinion, but a common one, if just for it's superb clarity and high tinting strength in mixing), it is TOXIC. Which is why one should always wear an over shirt or at least a painter's apron. You really don't want the cadmiums on your bare skin.

Third, it is a Grizzly bear to get out of fabric precisely because of it's tinting power and intensity.

I wasn't even using it very much at present in the portrait I'm working on, except for making small touches of various complementary and reflected greens, but it's very expensive to my budget, so I don't toss even a dab if it's still workable, I just move it to the new palette. It takes a long time to dry, so will often be viable when other colors left out longer than intended between painting sessions are dry all the way though.

Don't ask me how I got my elbow in the very small pile of yellow that was waaaay up in the upper right corner of my palette. I dragged the shirt sleeve through it at some point, then leaned my elbow on my thigh. By the time I noticed it on my jeans, I thought "Oh crap, where's the rest of it?!" All over my favorite painting shirt, which is over sized on me so a bit more prone to this type of studio accident, but I posted my love of this shirt at length in a previous post, so I won't go there.

I took it off, my jeans too, and used my brush cleaning solvent to remove as much as possible, then soaked it in Chlorox 2 and left it for overnight (I'll let you know if it works). That's the one advantage to having a studio space in a laundry room. That may also be part of the problem: my work space is so tight and small that there is not enough room to really manage a larger canvas, and this is not even big, only about 16" x 24". I used to favor 3 by 4 FEET. Those days are over, at least for the time being. As difficult as it is, as much as I was spoiled by "real" studio space over about 35 years, I bless my small area and I am glad to have it. As I downsize all the stuff and bother of my life in a quest for greater simplicity, less overall expense and more peace, thus ending up with less and less material "stuff", I find it's so much easier to be thankful for the smallest of things, which makes the bigger stuff truly awesome!

I went online tonight needing bigger brushes for this particular work, picked out about $80. worth, left it to go paint some more, spot happened, came back up to rework the order, then checked my credit card balance, and decided I couldn't afford it. BUT, I am really grateful I have a computer to go online with to even browse!

So, all two of you reading this, take a moment to count all of your blessings! :~D

November..

Yup, it's here already. Where did the rest of the year go? That's the problem with getting old, relative time moves faster! When we're 10, a year is one tenth of our entire life. At fifty, five years is one tenth. That's sixty months instead of twelve, but good gosh, I think the last five years feels to me pretty much like what a year felt like at age ten. It's rather horrifying to contemplate how fast the next twenty years could feel, presuming I have that future...

I don't have a finished oil painting to show, so here's some leaves off of my tree I snapped with my Canon and popped into PhotoShop to add a quick personal touch. Gotta get down in the dungeon and PAINT! Bye!

Power of Prayer

The puppy in my older posts below came from a breeder in Rimforest, next door to Lake Arrowhead, which is still under seige from a terrible wildfire. I have great concern for the breeder of this dog and their dogs. The area was under evacuation orders I believe yesterday. I also have friends in Arrowhead and Arrowbear, Malibu, Topanga Canyon, family in San Diego, Frazier Park, and in more of the affected fire areas. I know I don't get much in the way of readers of this blog, it's mostly for myself to see my work in a different format. The best comments are from bloggers who aren't in the arts, or who are in the arts but not blogging.. ;D
I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, not so much to get "stuff" but to move and shift the great and small currents of the universe to create best possible outcomes for the greater good or to open doors. If you read this and believe or not, please say prayers for the brave firefighters out there now with 3 days of exhausting work behind them, more ahead of them, and not enough equipment to do the job. Pray for all the people in SoCal who are now homeless, who may have lost everything, or who don't yet even know, and for the people displaced from the comforts of whatever home they may have to evacuation centers. Also please pray for the wildlife in these forests. I'm a Buddhist but my Christian roots have no conflict with that, and Buddhists pray as well. Look at it as a way to improve your conscious contact with God, while sending some positive energy to your fellow man. Photos are off the 'net and are top to bottom near Fallbrook (Photo: GETTY IMAGES/David McNew), another unID'd image, the Witch fire (Photo GETTY IMAGES/Sandy Huffaker), and an Arrowhead neighborhood (Don Kelsen / Los Angeles Times).

Oct OH! ber! A work in progress...

No pics yet but I'm working on an oil portrait commission and have small paintings to put up for auction. I have not been inspired so much to sit in front of the easel lately, but I have been making progress in other areas that are important to me. It will all circle back around soon enough. I have been putting a lot of time into my favorite project though, which is my pup! I groom him myself, which is a way to practice the sculpture I did for 25 years. He is full of ocean and beach in the photos, which made his coat curl, but he is a lot of fun to fuss with. He had a blast on this day! His joy is always contagious. I love seeing the fire of youth in him, and sometimes wish I had more of it left in myself, but I wouldn't trade my hard earned wisdom for it.

Making A Living and Fixing Mistakes

I dunno how I could lose 6 weeks to raising a puppy and taking care of family and making a living without turning out a new canvas. I have managed to paint the edges on all my canvases that were literally hanging around so that they can be hung without a frame, which is my minimalist preference, so at least I got to practice mixing. I also finally learned that I absolutely MUST wear my nifty "painting shirt" or I WILL get paint on my good shirts and possibly my jeans as well, no matter how careful I think I am! I honestly don't think it's a lack of motor skills on my part, but more the confined area in which I work. I place most of the blame on my brush caddy, which mounts precariously onto my small box easel. It wants to position my long handled brushes across the air space in front of my small canvases, because the work space is so narrow that the brush handles hit the side of a bookcase. Many of the brushes I favor for their quality and paint handling are long handled oil brushes, made for standing back from the canvas, not so much for sitting closer to a small sized study. I sometimes leave color on them when I am working different colors or textures at one time. (Note that the photo of my shirt includes three of my favorite makes and models of brushes mentioned in my previous posts on bushes below.) I didn't have so much trouble with wayward paint when I had a bigger studio, though I'm honestly quite grateful for the space I do have now.

Thus recently I have gone back to practicing my old trick of taking the stained "good" shirt and touching up the stain with even more paint (after cleaning it up as much as possible with turps and laundering it), in effect practicing my skills by painting out the marks of my carelessness. I did that years ago in my youth in college when finances dictated that I wear my clothes completely out, and then later on when I was doing my own paintings and commissioned portraits in acrylics, and didn't really think anything about it. A few months ago I came across a thread on Wet Canvas! on the actual subject of painting out accidents on one's clothing, so it seems fairly common.

My own advice if you are using oils (as I am currently), is to mix the exact color with just a tiny touch of a quick flash point thinner if necessary for discreet handling (oil of spike is good, or English turps), and to put your dabs of perfectly matched mixed paint on a paper towel or paper plate first to take out as much oil as possible. This is because the carrier oil in your pigments can spread the paint beyond where you want it through the fabric's absorption, and may leave a yellow halo around the colored area. Then do the touch up with a fine pointed brush or toothpick or q-tip, whatever gives you the most control. Keep the paint rich but the application thin, you don't want blobs. Let it dry in a safe place, then wash. If you are using acrylics, remember that they dry DARKER! So compensate by mixing a bit lighter color, and mix under good bright light if possible. This is actually an extremely good practice in training your eye to mix color accurately, so consider it time well spent in studying your craft and improving your skills. BUT, it's better to keep paint off of your person wherever possible, especially your skin, as many pigments and thinners and mediums contain toxic elements, and you do NOT want that stuff on your skin, where it can be absorbed into your system.

Holy Mole', It's August Already!

I am trying to type a post one handed with a six month old puppy on my lap. I can't believe it's August already, over halfway through the year, where did it all go so fast?!
I planned to have this month to paint, but my to do list is juuust soooo loooong. I need to delete the word "but" from my life regarding painting and just get down to the dungeon and do it. Sidetracked by life is a constant, so all that other stuff will have to wait. I have two commissions to do this month, plus said pup is supposed to be a model. The only problem is that he is black, which reads in the camera like all shadow with just eyes and teeth showing (his nickname is "Mr. Mouth", as he is all mouth right now), and moves so fast that my only hope is good photos as a starting point.


I took that pic showing baby teeth last month, and they are all gone now (I have most of them in a little plastic box, the lot looks like some gruesome pocket piece of a bone collector). No, he's not growling, he's teething, and is a big smiler! I never saw a dog with his teeth always hanging out as much as this pup does. I think it's just the teething process in general. He has lots of chew stuff of different materials to soothe his gums, and gets ice cubes when he wants one. He is the sweetest thing, and currently is so proud of all his new big boy teeth! He is always smiling. Also, he has double upper canines: the permanents came in behind instead of on top of the milk teeth, so right now he has six fangs! I laughed myself silly when I heard about people putting braces on their pooches, but that was before this! He has a perfect bite, I'd hate to see it ruined, but his vet says when they get yanked in a week it will be okay. Whew, I thought I'd be trekking up to Brentwood to a doggy dentist there who does braces...



Sorry, I can't find the macro function, I did once before but already forgot how...
He will also be singing soprano after the teeth operation, better to do everything at once. And he gets an ID chip. DO chip your pets if they do not have this device already. If they are found and taken to a vet or the pound, the scanners there will get them back to you. Keep your info updated with the chip company as well.

Sadly for me, since that photo was taken I dropped my old Nikon digital on the bricks. So I went online to research new digitals, and finally jumped the brand ship a couple weeks after and got a nice Canon, an S3 IS. Quite nice actually, with excellent features, and a heckuva lot cheaper than another Nikon CP 4500. It takes fab photos, far superior video, and has an endless number of potential settings. I am afraid that it is much smarter than I am! My first real camera thirty years ago was a Canon, and it's been all Nikons since, but it's good to shop around, however much I love my old F4. Someday I will get the D80 or D200 so I can use the 8 or so lenses that belong to the F4.

The zoom is fabulous; I was able to get a decent but still not good enough to paint shot of the shadow puppy in low inside light and far across the room.


A striking study in black.

The Other Brush

Wow, I last posted on the brushes I like to use for oil painting, to 1) get back to posting about art if I'm not actually posting my paintings at the moment, 2) provide some useful feedback for other artists, and 3) to get the google ads back to art oriented stuff from the previous d-o-g stuff. So now it's all about b-l-o-g-s. Yeah, that makes sense! ;D
So continuing from my last posting, my other favorite brush is the Langnickel Royal Sable. I love these for fine detail or soft brushwork and glazing. I only have a few that I got from a friend who's brother was no longer painting, but I have hopes of getting a bigger set. Right now I just have smaller sizes, 0-2, in a short red handled brush that looks like a short headed standard filbert, which I don't see at the Jerry's link above. The filberts offered now are more like a cat's tongue style, with a sharper point. Mine are probably older.
One other thought I would like to add regarding brushes is to buy the best you can afford! More and cheaper is not as good as having less brushes and better quality. Take it from a compulsive brush buyer! I fondle brushes in the store, test the spring and shape, then buy one with a coupon to try it, and if I like it, I go buy more of them online in a small range of sizes. But I'll start with just that one, and only add a few at a time if it works well. I'd say you will absolutely feel the difference if you are painting with any finesse and need for control, and even if you are painting big abstract areas of color on big canvases rather than fine fussy realism, you will still feel a difference between quality bristle and the cheap stuff in the way the paint goes on the surface, and will appreciate a brush that doesn't shed, splay or lose it's edge after one painting. It's better to clean the brush to change colors and use a good brush, than have a lot of cheap ones that don't put color where you want it, in my opinion. In good technique, a brush should be wiped well if not cleaned in mineral spirits or Turpenoid after several strokes anyway whenever more than one color is used, or when applying one color over another wet in wet, to keep color clean. One brush can do a lot of work.
Yes, I know that really talented painters can paint with sticks, but I'd rather not!

Back To Art Stuff: I Love Brushes!

Since I posted about my dogs I can't seem to get rid of the google ads about the recalls and safer alternatives and while I feel that's important, it's time google moved on! Especially since I don't seem to be getting paid for any click throughs, but it's probably mostly bogus as far as any income ever being generated anyway unless one owns a huge site.

So I thought I'd do a post on my favorite brushes. The world has moved forward in that area since I was last painting professionally in a serious way years ago. Synthetics have become more varied and in some cases actually fairly superior to natural fibers. I'm finding I now have definite favorites, even among the standard oil paint brush which is the bristle or "hog", as it's made from the bristly hair of hogs. Hog hair has a curve to it which can be used to shape a brush in a specific way for a desired effect, say to get a filbert (gently rounded inward corners on a flat brush), and has "flags" on the ends, which is sort of like a split end in our hair, the advantage of which is it holds onto more paint, so one can really load up a brush for a juicy, expressive stroke. Today pretty much all bristle brushes are Chinese made. (I will not get started on the long time standard Chinese mindset of profit over ethics, as it just incenses me).

The natural bristle brushes coming out of China range from abysmal craft brushes that shed hair like a cat to fairly well made and long lasting. I prefer Dick Blick Masterstroke brushes for my hogs, others prefer Grand Prix Silver Brush. Except for the handle colors they look identical, and are probably made by the same maker, or one copies the other, but the Masterstrokes seem to me to have the edge as far as holding their shape longer without splaying, and being just a bit fuller and softer. Prices are quite reasonable and comparable on both. Another recent favorite which I use for alla prima after I have laid paint down more broadly with a bristle is the Winsor & Newton Monarch Mongoose brush, which is a synthetic mongoose. It is a lovely brush, and being softer and finer than a bristle lays down a smoother stroke and has more finesse, while still having a slight stiffness. It has a nice edge and is a versatile brush in all its forms; flat, bright, filbert and round. I prefer filberts in most brushes, but I used to use mostly brights and some flats. Now it's mostly filberts and flats. Filberts seem more versatile to me. In synthetic mongoose I also love the Escoda Tadami Short Handle brush, but it is a bit pricier, so I only have two, which I waited until I got a 30% off coupon to buy (you'll note that most of my links are to Dick Blick, that's because the prices are very good online. Retail brick and mortar Blick is mostly ridiculous pricewise however, unless you have a coupon, which the website offers regularly, so go sign up!). The Escoda has a more unusual, cat's tongue type point to it, which is useful and intriguing. Another brush I love using is the Princeton Artist Brush 6300 Series synthetic bristle. (Blick is having a sale on Princeton, 50% off, check it out!). It's a bit softer than natural bristle and thus more responsive, and holds its shape really well. It's also more expensive than most natural bristle, but should be worth the extra cash. There is also a synthetic sable that I adore, and I have seen it referenced as others' absolute favorite, but it escapes me at the moment, and as all my brushes are downstairs in the dungeon and it's late, I'm calling it a night and will post about that one later. Can't give all my secrets away in one post...

"Small Pan, Big Egg" now for sale

SOLD

I really like this little 4"x6" oil on gallery profile canvas! I had a lot of fun with it, and it's a vibrant little painting. It was one of my "keepers", as I'm trying to get a small body of work together that will be available for exhibition, but the Poodle puppy in the posts below is all mouth and teeth at this age (5 months Tuesday) and he is at the vet's for eating Lord knows what along with the dirt and kitchen rug fibers already found in his leavings. We think he got some fertilizer, but will probably never know. SO I am having an emergency fund raiser for puppy vet bills, which are over $1,000 so far. Even though I am not a daily painter, and I put in hours over days and many layers on my canvases rather than popping one out in a couple of hours, I am putting them on at the standard daily painter's price of $100. to start. Now would be a good time to invest! I will be painting full time again in August and I hope part of September. This piece has the image continued around the sides, is wired and ready to hang. Click on the title above to go to the auction page. Good art, good price, good cause!

"Friesian Afternoon" now for sale

SOLD

I've decided to start putting stuff up on auction on eBay. I've been painting on and off, mostly off since the puppy's arrival, but that's okay! He's the light of my life right now. He's settling in just fine, so I'll be getting back to painting full time when I get a break from work in August. In the meantime I'll be reposting some of my earlier work as it will be going on auction. This is a 6" x 8" oil on gallery wrap canvas with the sides painted in a matching sand color to the background, so that it doesn't need a frame, and is ready to hang. Click on the title to go to the auction page!

The Puppy Has Landed!

I have sitting on my lap as I type a most charming, delightful and stunning little black Miniature Poodle puppy. (The flash makes him look like a silver, but he is black.) I am delighted with him; actually, I am falling madly in love! So are his Papa and Grandma. He is four months and one week old, 11 inches at the shoulder, and has a lovely regal classic Poodle head and face, and the unique "Poodley" persona. He came home later this afternoon, and rode like a champ from way up in the San Bernardino mountains all the way home, with several stops. He is well bred from good healthy lineage, and wonderfully socialized, and he already sits (mostly), retrieves (superbly), walks on a leash (pretty much), and comes when called. He is friendly and very well mannered, and inquisitive and quite brilliant! His dam's call name is Jasmine, same as the dog I lost. His sire's call name is Toad, a nickname of someone I love dearly. It looks like his name is going to be Bogart, and he's simply beautiful. I'll have to paint him. We saw the dam and grandsire and other relatives, all wonderful dogs, all raised in a home environment. There are more puppies from this breeder if anyone is looking for a very fine Poodle. There is no other dog (in my own opinion of course) in this world like a good Poodle. Check out all the "Poodle" links in this post to find out just how versatile and intelligent these dogs truly are.

"Blue Bottle Rocket"

Well, I'm currently having fun with antique bottles and ink wells. This is a small 3 inch long cobalt blue medicine bottle which I gave comparatively heroic proportions in oil on the 6"x8" inch canvas. I loved how playing with the light source did wonderful things to the reflected light. The glass bottle becomes, with a bit of imagination, a blunt nosed little rocket with jets firing small bursts of color as it rises against an ochre sky into the clouds.

"Hen And Chick"

I love the images this group of huge rock formations in the Jumbo Rocks area of Joshua Tree National Park made in my camera's image finder. I remarked in an earlier post about these marvellous geologic formations how the human mind is wired to look for symbols. At first I just saw a rooster lying stretched out along the skyline, and to myself called it "Dead Rooster Rock", which though morbid was nicely alliterative. Then I looked a little longer at the formation to the right, and there was a nicely stylized profile of a chick's head. So it had to be a hen and her chick, which is a much more heart warming image overall, don't you think? Trying to capture it in oil paint was a bit elusive for me however. I'm posting this 6x8 inch oil on canvas, even though I don't really see it as fully finished. I may, however, be done with it.

I Miss My Dog

I am painting again for a few days this week. I have a portrait of a Golden Retriever to finish, and when I'm done doing some antique glass ink well and bottle studies I will be working on "Gary" for his owner, and on Jazz, the dog I gave my heart to below. She lives on deep in my heart, and is still my comfort; I still feel her presence once in awhile now, though not as often. Her toy basket is still where she left it, neatly arranged; and her box of ashes is in a tonsu next to my bed, where she always slept, with her collar and kerchief and the silly but stylish muffler I knitted for her a year ago for cold days, all inside her memory box. Her pink piggy stuffed toy is safe on top of her box. That was her favorite.

I am looking for a Poodle. I said I would get one when Jazzie was no longer here, but I certainly didn't expect one for years yet, and was never in any hurry. I will know if it's right, I asked Jazzie to help pick. She inherited her lifestyle and a lot of good things from a wonderful Poodle, so the circle is going back around, and she will pass along some of her good stuff to another deserving dog.

The Power of the Dog

The Power of the Dog

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie--
Perfect passsion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart to a dog to tear.

When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet's unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find--it's your own affair--
But ... you've given your heart to a dog to tear.

When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!)
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone--wherever it goes--for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.

We've sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-term loan is as bad as a long--
So why in--Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

Rudyard Kipling

For Jazz, because we both know why.